A couple of days ago, my eight year old sister would not step begging for me to take her to the park, which happened to be a 10 minute walk from our house. Being the perfect older sister, I complied.
I kid you not, I took 237 steps outside the house (my iPhone will verify that) before I noticed a group of young men aiming smartphone cameras at me. I squinted my eyes to see what was happening, and that’s when a series of flashes ensued.
They thought I didn’t notice the flashing light, especially with the bright sun out at midday.
But I noticed.
And I froze.
I can’t even begin to describe to you why I froze. I just did. I just locked my eyes with one of the men, and I was going to confront them.
But I didn’t. Because as “safe” as these politicians and leaders say women are, we are not. With me confronting them, I was only putting my own life in danger. Can you imagine? A 17 year old girl, with her younger sister, ready to confront a group of juvenile men? Had it turned physical, I would have surely been a goner. I could have been murdered, because in Pakistan, and unfortunately the rest of the world, the women will always be the one at fault. It’s unimaginable that the male is the guilty one at hand. And it would only bring disgrace and dishonor on me to even accuse someone of such a thing.
And imagine if I had called the police. Because get this, Pakistan actually has LAWS against sexual harassment (under section 509 of Pakistan Penal Code). But you’d be an absolute idiot if you think any of these laws are regulated. They would questions whether taking pictures of a woman without her CONSENT is even deemed as sexual harassment.
But worst of all, they would say that men taking pictures of me is a compliment. That it is simply a measurement of the beauty I possess (???!?!?)
I’m so upset right now. I know this happened a few days ago, which is why I delayed writing about it since my emotions were going through the loop of a roller coaster. But this is so wrong.
I feel humiliated. Embarrassed. Exposed. Vulnerabe. Angry. Furious. Violated. Stripped of all my dignity and self worth.
I’m just so angry. I’m angry because those men thought they were in power, and I’m angry that I didn’t even try to confront them, despite all the odds stacked up against me. The fact that I didn’t do anything about it means hat they still think they are superior to women.
I know this rant makes no sense, but I hope it gives you an insight into how emotionally troubled and disturbed I am. I literally don’t know what to do. I pray to God Almighty that He punishes them severely, because as much as we all preach forgiveness and letting go, I can’t. No way. What those men did is plain disgusting, and they need to pay.
So what now? I literally don’t know what to do. Those pictures of me could be circulating in WhatsApp chains, men may be jerking off to it, who knows, maybe I’m about to be killed in a few days? All I know is, I’ve let those men win, because I’m terrified of leaving the house now.
God, I just want to scream and kick and punch those men so bad right now. They’ve turned my life upside down in a matter of days. Making me questions my own self love and respect.
But for now I suppose I’ll just cry.
Because that’s all I can do.
your fave (you just don’t know it yet),
I want to thank those men, for making me declare an all outward against sexual harassment. And when I get on something, I won’t stop until I’m dead. Can’t wait to see you and people like you in court!